Eternal Rest

I go to sleep every night wondering if I'll wake up to see another day. When people say things like "go and die", "I hope you die", I think, #pause, sigh and always reply, "I'll die when I'm 96". With each passing day, I have less faith in those words. I've wished for the world to end on several occasions, all to no avail. Life has gotten so hard, and so has living. Today my mum called to tell me two people close to us died. One was my aunt. I remember going to the hospital to see her last month and I wasn't pleased with the sight. I hadn't been in a hospital in over two years. She looked bad, really really bad. I didn't know what to say to her. I told her she'd be fine, I remember my mum telling her "it's alright you hear, you'll get better." That day I prayed :) I prayed that she survived....but she didn't :'( . She died today. Nobody understands how I feel at this moment. </3 I feel broken. I wish everything would get better, but this isn't life at all. Nothing can get better in this system. Death #2. My other grandma, I know she was sick also but still...she didn't have to die either. She had people who needed her around. I'm more than saddened. They both left behind a whole lot of people crying.  2 deaths, 1 day.  I won't ask why.

I lost hope in life, the whole "living" thing doesn't amuse me any longer. I see each day as a struggle. I would love a permanent sleep right now but I'm only alive for my mum. I want to grow old and die in peace. I don't want to die young and I don't even want any of the people I want dying. I just want to be filled with joy and not sorrow.

....#Sigh one day it'll all get better. R.I.P

If tears could build a stairway,And memories a lane,I'd walk right up to HeavenAnd bring you home again.~Author Unknown