...I shouldn't have believed

#Np Tell me you love me - Leela James (my song last winter)

What was I thinking?! Well love wasn't returned #Sigh. I don't think I make a good story teller so I won't bother with the details. Let's just say what isn't worth it got "disposed and trashed". I do have a way of expressing my feelings which could be pretty outspoken and that sorta doesn't work in my favor sometimes. I never thought against it especially these past months. This week showed that regardless of how I feel for a person, or the things I do for people theirs always gonna be someone who ruins things for others :) and am smiling because I do that when I'm upset. (lol)


I crashed, I let my feelings get in the way. I wanted to feel secure, I wanted to know someone had my back. To know that the one who "claims" or "claimed" to love me really did. The reaction I got was nothing like I expected (cold shoulders). I felt myself tear down, the one person who always said "Bee you can always talk to me" was the one who ignored me and didn't even trust me enough to tell me how he felt in return. I didn't think I messed up in anyway, rather I felt like the guilt card was being played on me. Tables turned so quickly! If messing up involves me protecting my interest and getting reassured, then something is wrong! O_O


I never gave up, not once. I thought I'd hold on, tried my best and hoped but at the end of the day I felt so disappointed. I'm not forcing my love. You say something to me and I take your word up and your actions as well. Its saddening that people can't act maturely or have normal conversations without their egos coming into play. I felt let down, alone and numb. I swore I wouldn't go back to the old me, the one who didn't care, who was least interested in how anyone felt. That one who couldn't be bothered about anything. I know that sounds selfish but now I might. I'll block people off, act like they're non existent, be by myself, drop all the associates and cut all ties from several people. I don't regret anything, I just feel hurt and stupid. Possibly made a fool of myself? That I may never know. All I know is...

 ...I shouldn't have believed. :* Bee