After you''re gone

*Chills* Do you really know what happens after you die? What people say or do in your absence? (this is a rhetorical question). I don't expect that you'd do because the body is already in a state of unconsciousness, a permanent one or eternal sleep. A month ago I lost an aunt to cancer, it was very hard seeing her the way she was before she finally passed on. Today I went to a reception made in her honour with my family. This time around there was no tears from anyone. I was with my close knit family or extended family and listening to what the adults had to say made me think deeply. I was glad I was able to learn from them as well amidst the jokes they made, disagreements, and the points they made.

For instance, NEVER put an outsider in charge of your family regardless how close you both might be. Humans are crazy and always want to have sole authority, in other words as long as we're in position of authority we always want people to KNOW we're in charge. By doing so we end up over stepping our boundaries. Also, if a person confides in you, they do this because they have trust in you that you'll definitely keep that promise even after they are long gone. It is very disrespectful to put out a person's secrets for the world to know most especially if they never wanted that to happen.

After we're gone, we always hope that people we leave behind aren't selfish enough to put aside their differences. The quarrels and misunderstandings should be laid to rest. It is always worse when a woman dies because the husband is left alone to cater to children especially if they are so young. I pray we don't lose anyone we love because when we lose someone so close to us it is very painful.

Well, Tribute to my aunt Julie. I'm really glad you're resting and in a better place and there won't be any more pain. R.I.P :)

Me as a "friend" & Having friends

I know I'm not the only one who has ever wondered who my "real friends" are. I know I am not really a nice person. I have heard folks/friends call me "mean" either jokingly or seriously. At the end of the day, I always wonder why people even like me. I don't have many friends but I talk to a lot of people. I can count my friends with my finger tips and I bet they aren't up to ten. I have associates, and they are folks I talk to at random or for different reasons at the end of the day I really won't consider them as a friend because I don't trust them, won't be able to care for them deeply and wouldn't normally do things for them as I would if they were my close friends.

Do people consider me a friend? Someone they can talk to at any time? * shrugs* I don't know. I couldn't answer that myself because I can't say I know what goes through their minds or even what they think about me. Days back I said "I wonder how my friends cope with me" and one of my friend replied saying "You don't wanna know". I don't blame him -_- I know I'm a very difficult person, I am very blunt and will not hesitate to say what's on my mind. Yes I might get irrational, uninterested, or annoying occasionally. That's the way I am. I might get to like a person and randomly stop talking to them for a reason or none :) I don't like to get attached to people because folks are so unreliable and so I am. You might see me and like me if you meet me for the first time or talk to me for the first time or you may not even like me.

One person I respect is my best friend "Ese" Cut33ssay on Twitter :) We've been friends for over 2 years. She knows me well enough. Whenever I change my mind and don't wanna say anything to her she tells me "Don't you dare say never mind" lol. At the end of the day I tell her whatever it is I want to even after hesitating at first. We don't talk on a daily basis but I have her in mind and no matter what I know she's always going to be here even if I go away without saying a word for a week or two (sounds selfish but its true). Whenever I act rather immaturely, or get mad and don't say anything to her, she always says hi first :P even when I'm in the wrong. She also knows my misfortunes with boys lol but yeah that's a story for another day. I know I don't appreciate her well enough but I love her to the death. 

See, if you have a friend like this be nice, grateful, and respect them more often. Don't be a bitch like me :( I know I have my moments. Don't judge me either. I might be mean, I might seem like I could care less about your problems and all but I'm not scary. If you want to get to know me, I'll make time for that to happen -_- Well I might but o well. This is exactly what people who are my friends go through *sigh*.

Anyway, hope you can be a better friend to the ones who regard you as a "friend" !

Leading someone on

^_^ Been a while...was initially going to type something different but yeah I left the piece of paper with all the stuff I wanted to blog on downstairs...and no I won't go get it (not sure why I gave you that Info but o well) (*_*). A couple of weeks back, I posted something about not leading folks on. It seemed pretty easy until I was in a similar situation. I didn't mean to do put my self and the other person in this situation but somehow it happened all because I felt pity for this guy. "Pity"? Yeah, I know that was very wrong but I said I'd be his girlfriend. Needless to say, all I felt was guilt day in day out. I felt like I lost my freedom :( Suddenly I was "in a relationship", with a guy I didn't really like. It felt forced, I tried not to talk about it, I was in a cranky mood, and for a while I was soooo difficult.

Finally, I decided I couldn't take any more of it. Especially since I felt bounded to him. Well I broke up with him. I didn't feel a thing, didn't feel hurt. and I don't think he felt it either. Well at least he didn't show it. It wasn't a relationship. It was just convenient for both of us. I'm glad he didn't try to play the blame game or make me feel sorry. Yeah, the moral of the lesson is don't rush into things, always have patience! Note to self there. If its meant to happen, it will and there'll be no regrets :)

Well I'm single ^_^ *sigh of relief* but shoot I would't mind if the "right" person came along this very moment. Well not this very moment cos its 3:31 AM :P ....Goodnight !

Acceptance/Airplane

I'm sitting here restless, this is certainly not my fave kind of mood. I don't know if I'm okay with being lied to. I doubt anyone likes the idea of someone they trust doing just that. It's just unfair especially if I've put my effort into something just to find out it was all a "waste of time" (no offence). I dunno if its stupid to think I met the man of my dreams /:) I mean I'm young right? But anyway let me refer to him as that. I'll call him "Airplane" lol. After meeting the man of my dreams or the one I "think" is, I discovered I couldn't have him :) lol. According to him, he had been hurt too much from the past to really let go of it now. I don't know. I felt confused after that and had to think twice about everything. Me & Him. With him I used to think talking about personal "Feelings wasn't a priority"so we talked less of it and kinda avoided it. We tried that for a while and the more we opened up, the harder it became >_< 

Argh! I wish something in my life would fall through for once. 

It's like there's really nothing to look forward to anymore. Sad. I really do like him. I think if we lived closer we could have tried. Sadly we don't. ! He left for "just" 2 days and I missed him so bad. Talk about some attachment. "This isn't life" it just makes it hurt more.
A lot has happened. I won't go into full details, it doesn't even matter at all. Might never tell anyone the full story, I just want it unfinished and toss it in a corner and act nonchalant. I told  an absolute stranger my story and what she thought. She told me the same thing I had noted down days earlier and in a sentence she said "its a mess". Its so messy I can't think straight. I wonder if the decision I made personally is really what I want and yes it is. I don't wish to get hurt or played. It just sucks I'll have to distance myself slowly... :) Maybe I'll catch another flight and get the on the perfect Airplane.


Maybe this Airplane isn't the one...it's just another dream. One that won't come true.

ShyTalkative

 I remember clearly when I wanted to change my twitter handle. I wanted something unusual, catchy and one that'd make people pause then think twice. My handle was inspired by a friend's handle "cryingdespair", it wasn't that contradictory so I came up with different options for mine..."SilentScream", "ShyTalkative", "BlindBeauty", and "HumbleVanity". During this period in my life I had gotten more outspoken, I tweeted a lot for a shy person, I did and said some things I usually wouldn't do, so I decided to pick "ShyTalkative" because it pretty much explained a whole lot about me.


When people come across my handle "ShyTalkative" they always ask me "how possible is that?", "How can a shy person be a Talkative", etc. I just tell them that's the whole point of the handle. On Twitter, I am myself. I don't promise to agree with whatever a person says, on the contrary I tend to disagree with what folks do or say a lot and I let that be known. I don't kiss arse, or watch anyone try to boss me around or question me when I do things. I don't go on a social network to seek attention, I mean you'd recognise me already :P I'm pretty stubborn :) but hey when you're going into the Law business that happens ayeee! Anyway "Shy-talkative" is Beverly and it isn't an alter ego, I'm usually shy on the inside/reality and when I talk, I don't stop depending on who I'm with & Yes I do have a life outside of Twitter!


I believe that in whatever I do, I should make my presence felt. I try my best to get along with people and other times I fall out with people :). Its a cycle that never ends. In anything, I just want people to give me something to remember, if not they just fade away and become non existent x_x and on the other hand, I want people to remember me. Got to be doing something right at this age and time. By the way, I'm not a minor so people should quit looking at my physique and face I'm pretty small lol. 

Follow me on Twitter at ShyTalkative and Don't forget to remember me !